Breakthrough

Coming out of chronic illness is a long slow climb; every improvement is noted and appreciated, and sometimes it is just so wonderful not to be at the depths of it that we feel 'this will do' without realizing there is still some way to go - that is, we should expect and hope for more (after all, when we have coped with so much less, we are grateful for any perceived shift towards 'normality').

As any regular readers will know, my husband stopped doing EFT many months ago, despite having experienced symptom relief when we did it together. There were many reasons - one being that it didn't seem to work at all when he did it alone, which made him feel disempowered (and ME is quite disempowering enough). He also strongly resisted the idea that there might be emotional contributors to his illness - which I understand completely, especially after so many years of suffering such powerful physiological symptoms and continually meeting with the attitude from others that it was "all in his head". I gave up hope of him allowing me to work with him many months ago, and since then used EFT only to work on my own issues with his illness and the impact it had on our lives, enabling me simply to cope and support him better. I came to terms with the fact that his recovery would be as slow as he needed it to be, and that I must watch him continue to suffer even though I could - if he would only allow it - help him to find relief. In the meantime I've been undergoing formal training, and treating other friends and family where my offers were accepted.

Last week, my husband turned to me very suddenly and unexpectedly and came out with a rush of love, apology, and a plea for forgiveness, saying "every time I fight you I just come up against the wall of your love". He then asked me if I would do EFT with him and help him come out of the other side of his illness. Since then we have worked together every night for an hour. What astounded me was how much pain he was still in (and accepting as "normal") despite my perception that he was, to a very large extent, "better". (He had certainly been functioning better - his brain fog has lifted, he is now able to read, he can walk for a reasonable distance without serious repercussion, he is sleeping better, his allergies have pretty much disappeared - all that without him doing EFT). The first night we worked on his constricted breathing, which has troubled him daily for the last four and half years. He hasn't been troubled by breathing difficulties since, and although they may resurface I'm fairly confident that one will hold. His persistent cough has almost vanished (we worked on that as part of the breathing issue). His joint pain has decreased His leg pain is very persistent and although we can reduce it enough for him to get to sleep, it it still recurring - we have not yet got to the core of it yet but I feel sure we will. Persistence is often mentioned as a vital part of EFT practice, and a complex chronic illness like ME requires it especially.

People who develop ME have in common, it appears, the kind of personality where they are great supporters of others, and a huge part of recovery seems to entail learning to stop when they reach their physical limits, give themselves a break, and accept the support of others. This can be the hardest thing - I know my husband developed his habit of totally supporting those around him during a time in his childhood where he felt if he didn't he would not be loved (and worse, he would not, in the specific circumstances he was in, be physically safe). So taking this kind of support from me has been a huge and difficult step for my husband, but a vital one.

For any partners of people with a chronic illness such as ME who are considering learning EFT to assist them I would say learn as much as you can, get and watch the DVD sets (they are truly worth every penny), practice it daily on your own issues, and be persistent. If your partner rejects it, keep doing it on yourself. Tap to understand your partner's perspective. Tap for your frustrations. Tap for guidance. Tap for miracles. You may well need them!

At last we're on the right road together. My husband is experiencing huge waves of love for me which I have to confess is almost alarming, but I intend to get used to it! There are so many aspects to ME, many of which feed into each other, so his illness will take some time to unravel, but he is already feeling significant improvements. I am lucky that he is a very sensitive individual - he can feel the energy moving in his body while we tap and is good at identifying the source and specific nature of his physical pains with precise language. I expect we'll make very good progress now. He's beginning to tackle the problem of how he will pick up his life once he has his health restored, since he feels a need to change direction and doesn't know what it is that he would like to do. I feel sure the answers will come as we work together.

To everyone still suffering who has posted here; I think of you all often, and hope each of you will find your own way through ME. I send you blessings and thanks for all your support in my many, many hours of darkness.